Vonna Today

R.I.P. (my son) December 26, 1986 ~ November 30, 2007

(she said)
on November 18 at 10:23pm
thinking of you and holding you close at this difficult time of year – love the picture of you and Jonathan – so very, very precious

(I replied)
I can’t do this — I thank you for holding me — means a lot – ♥

(she said)
Yes, you can – but none of us would ever choose to do this – ever – not even to our fiercest enemies.

AND you are RIGHT – you can’t do this ALONE!!

You only have to do this minute, this hour, this day – nothing more.

So many people love you and are here for you, in one way or another, including Jonathan.

Let yourself draw upon the strength and resources of others during this time.

Tell the safe people in your life what you need (stay far away from the others , tell yourself what you need and honor that!!

Whether it is hours under the covers, time spent looking at pictures, touching his clothes and belongings and laughing,screaming and crying – hours in the presence of others who will let you just “be” the incredible, yet nutty and vulnerable woman and mother you are

Let people know it is not just the “day” but this entire month and season that is difficult, and if you have any wealthy friends tell them several gift certificates for massage would be really helpful!!

I am serious – you need to be touched and be in touch with your body and soul -let yourself be nurtured and cared for by others in these days and the days ahead. There are plenty days left in your life where you will give back – it is your time to receive.

(I replied)

I have no friends – they don’t come over.

They don’t call, I sit at home alone in quietness.

Remember you told me that my friends become strangers and my strangers become friends. I remember that day we sat in the house and we talked about grief, all of it.  I remember.

Deb, I know I have my friends who love me but they are on a computer screen and some of those friends I don’t even know who they are or if I can trust them; I mean I know who my really good friends are but I think you know what I mean — Some of those friends from the first year are even gone. Lives change and I know this. People are sometimes just stuck in their own lives – and I understand that – I am tired of consoling others – sharing myself – I want to be selfish – but this is not my nature.

I don’t want a hug I just want my Jonathan back – this was not supposed to happen – he would have been a great great man who would of made a difference! I am not defying what “God” has done, he did it for a reason. They know what happened that night and they won’t tell.

My life is changing and I don’t like it – no one likes change – my body and soul right now are well – spent – just spent and I really don’t know how to get it back – I refuse to go to a group – this is not me. I would rather speak in front of a group, not sit and listen. I gain my strength from telling my story – I just can’t seem to tell it the right way – even to myself.

(she said)

Grief is very selfish even if we don’t think we are selfish.

Being in survival mode from grieving requires us to be selfish.

Sitting and listening to others – their stories and their pain is very, very difficult in the midst of our own, even listening to people and their everyday “normal” lives is excruciating at times.

Sitting and listening requires a patience that is beyond those who are newly grieving and year 2 is still newly grieving.

Those in group are just looking for what you are – to tell their story and have someone to listen.

If we gain strength from telling our story but there is no one to listen to us – how are we strengthened?

Getting through the trauma of losing Jonathan to death means you and everyone involved in his life have changed.

This journey is long and arduous with many blessings and curses along the way.

You have years to “figure it out” and to learn to tell your story the right way for yourself…Just for today – do something to honor yourself and the love you have Jonathan. Thank you for trusting me with your heart and your pain.

(I replied)
♥ – I am still here ~ “Lord” only knows how I wish I had patience.
You are a wise woman Debra if you can make it ~ I guess I better listen too you.

I actually did find a penny today penny and I picked it up, it’s been a while, so it is not a just a coincidence to me.

Much love – thank you for keeping me going just for today.

On November 20 at 9:29am

(I replied)
I am still here Debra…
The wall post ended ~

Who is Debra Smith Anderson?
She is my friend and this is her story ~

7  Stages of Grief…

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-

No more bargaining.

4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past.

7 Stages of Grief…

5. THE UPWARD TURN- 
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, YOU! will find a way forward.

As I find my way forward, the woman I left behind has become stronger; and as I walk through the path of this new journey I lead I shall SURVIVE!

I found this 7 stages of grief as I was searching for a poem to read this evening, the night of my son’s 2nd year anniversary.

May “God” bless my sick friends, my thoughts and prayers are with you ~ you the passers by!

I know today my friends are thinking of me they are walking right beside me always.

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world.
It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”
Agatha Christie

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Monday, February 4, 2008 at 4:54pm
In memory of my brother Jon McEachern, we are trying to name the BG skate park after him.. even if you don’t know him you can still sign to help out… skating was his passion! and he deserves it.

please help

http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?jdmac867

http://www.petitiononline.com/jdmac867/petition.html

UPDATE: The family wishes to close this petition by the end of Nov, 08 – Please keep in mind when signing this petition, the Buffalo Grove Skate Park does not have to be named after just one person, it was built for the Children of our Future! Let them own it, do not stereotype them, they are the children of our future! Thank you.

To: Elliott Harstein Village of Buffalo Grove President ~ Illinois State & Local Government Officials ~ including our Senator Barack Obama

We, the undersigned, would love for the “Village of Buffalo Grove” to dedicate the skate park off of Buffalo Grove Road and Deerfield Parkway in memorial of Jonathan D. McEachern. We would like to name the park “JdMac Park”, as his friends often referred to him as JdMac. Although, he was not an official resident of Buffalo Grove he did live in unincorporated Deerfield, a feeder community in which all of the children attend schools located within the limits of this school district.

Jon was one of the first to skate in the park when it opened. Jon lived at the skate park honing his skills. He felt complete when he was skating in the park. He felt at home.

Jon attended Adlai E. Stevenson High School and graduated with the class of 2005. He set his sights high in creating a future for himself, but fell short when he found himself struggling with addiction. The word addiction has a negative connotation, but it is a sickness, and we tried our hardest to help him get better. Dirty drugs found him before he could find the light and it then became too late. An unbelievable son, brother, family member, and friend, Jonathan McEachern’s death on November 30, 2007, was declared an accidental homicide by our County Coroner.

Jon was loved and admired by all he came into contact with. His name and spirit lives within the community of his peers. He was a standout figure, an intellect, and his passing was much too soon. This petition not only memorializes Jon, but also stands for every family in our community that has troubled children. This petition creates awareness within the community that kids are not indestructible. We feel that this park could be a safe haven for families who are struggling either through the loss of loved ones or the current battle against drug use and abuse within their families. The park could serve as a common ground where families and Jonathan’s peers can come together each year during drug awareness events to be informed and remember those who have been taken away from us through addiction and failed by the system.

The following is an excerpt from one of the many journals found amongst his personal belongings: although I cannot yet confirm this journal entry below to be truth, I believe this entry shows his determination to build this skate park.

“In 2001, a few of my best friends and I decided to talk to our village about a new idea for our community. We proposed a skate park to be built next to the already standing Busch Park, an outdoor roller, hockey rink. In our minds the skate park would be a positive reinforcement our town could rely on as a fun and safe place for us and future generations. The Village vowed they’d supply a grant to build this park so long as we obtained a certain percentage of signatures on a petition. We accomplished our goal. What a feeling that was. This accomplishment turned into a burning ambition to get ahead in life.”

It is clear he had a passion for the park, and he felt as if the park would help him get ahead in life. We can assist in continuing his life and celebrating what he had on this Earth if we could accomplish our goal of naming the skate park after him.

Your assistance in getting our goal accomplished will make a difference! It may seem like a lot to ask, but a little bit of help could assist us in getting a long way.

Keep your heads up high cause he’s looking down on us wanting us to smile and take what happened and learn from it. ‘bub’

SPREAD THE WORD ~ KEEP IT MOVING THIS PETITION MOVING!!

Thank You!

Respectfully,

Vonna Maslanka mother of Jonathan McEachern
~ December 26, 1986 ~ November 30, 2007
~his family & friends ~ from all who knew him

http://jdmachope.blogspot.com

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

thanks to everyone who helps

The Lord of Cruelty

…is never a happy card to emerge in a reading – it always indicates hardness and unkindness, a total lack of consideration or compassion. There’s something almost mechanical in the way that this kind of cruelty manifests – almost as though inflicting pain is force of habit.  There is no ethical responsibility for the victim of the attack, nor even any useful result from its application.

The card can come up to indicate some other person’s cruelty toward you – in which case look for ‘people’ cards to give you a clue as to the instigator. It can come up to mark your cruelty to another person – in which case expect to find corrective cards nearby.  Or it may indicate your unkindness and lack of empathy with your own inner needs and feelings.

Whatever the apparent motive may be for this type of cruelty, it is the stuff of darkness. Here we see venom dealt for venom’s sake; we see the power of ill-wishing in action. And anyone who engages in such behavior is not only fouling our world for the rest of us, but is also invoking such a level of redemptive force against themselves that they will have a hard job managing when the tidal wave hits them.

A moral and spiritual human being maybe not engage in this type of behavior. And if we end up the target of spite and malice, we may not seek vengeance. Such a flow of dirty energy will be strengthened by any engagement with it. Rather, if we are unfortunate enough to find ourselves on the receiving end, whether from some-one else, or our own subconscious self-doubt, we need to use any method at our disposal to lift us away from the whole thing.

The Lord of Cruelty highlights dark influences in our lives – within or beyond us – that will do us no good at all. Here we see the smallest emotions of our race at work, creating damage and harm.

Whenever it appears, it warns us that somewhere nearby there is danger lurking, waiting to cause disruption and sorrow.  So we need to act very fast and decisively in order to nip trouble in the bud.

Often, this card will be a comment on your own treatment of yourself – if you denigrate yourself and beat yourself up, you are facing the worst enemy of your entire life – you know your every weak spot, your every Achilles heel. You know just exactly what hurts you most, you have no defense against yourself, and you cannot walk away.
The Lord of Cruelty highlights dark influences in our lives – within or beyond us – that will do us no good at all. Here we see the smallest emotions of our race at work, creating damage and harm.

Whenever it appears, it warns us that somewhere nearby there is danger lurking, waiting to cause disruption and sorrow. So we need to act very fast and decisively in order to nip trouble in the bud.

Often, this card will be a comment on your own treatment of yourself – if you denigrate yourself and beat yourself up, you are facing the worst enemy of your entire life – you know your every weak spot, your every Achilles heel.  You know just exactly what hurts you most, you have no defense against yourself, and you cannot walk away.

So…when this card assumes importance in your life, you must examine yourself first and foremost.  Are you treating yourself badly?   Are you giving yourself a hard time?  Are you chipping away at yourself relentlessly?  If you discover you are, it’s time to stop.

Hurting yourself about things within that you feel unhappy about is as pointless as trying to carry water in a leaky bucket…..you cannot adjust what you see to be wrong, because you are too busy standing in judgment upon yourself to gain any form of perspective or objectivity.  And without these two useful analytical tools, you won’t understand what you need to do to feel better, neither will you have the motivation or self-love to follow through.

So….treat yourself with respect and tenderness whilst attempting to change what you do not like.  Give yourself plenty of encouragement and praise for each small step you make.  Don’t be cruel.

If you feel convinced that you are in balance with yourself….next examine what you’re doing to others.  Remember something…..there is never an excuse for cruelty. No matter what situation you find yourself in, there is always a better way to deal with a situation than to exert mindless cruelty which will damage you, in the long term, much more than the person you aim it at.

Finally, consider the possibility that somebody in your environment is aiming cruel thoughts or deeds in your direction.

Be on your guard so that you are not taken unawares……
Every now and again this card comes up as a firm warning of danger…..

” It isn’t anyone’s fault for something so bad to happen, but people should look into how they relate to another.”

This is very real, as real as it gets I feel. It really is all about how you choose to act and be around the people we share this word with. Everyone’s got emotions and feelings, and we can brush it off as naive, but when it comes down to it, these are the things we love about our friends, family, and so on.

Sometimes we get caught up in our own bullshit, that we forget that how we act and choose to carry ourselves inadvertently affects those around us.

Whether we realize it or not, but we usually don’t, that’s the thing.

Sometimes we think time heals all wounds and actions will just wash away, but they don’t.

Every action has a reaction, like the great Issac Newton said.

We all need to realize that our actions do have consequences.

I do my best to be good to people, and everyone should always keep that in mind as well. It’s not the easiest thing to do, it’s challenging, but anything that is truly rewarding usually is. As tough as times get, it’s important to carry respect and live as though “God” is watching, or just for the simple fact that it feels better.

Let your conscious be your guide. We see others behaving badly or non-righteously and we can get caught up in it.

Like a fine line between sensitivity and truly hurt feelings, there is also between humor and disrespect.

Everyone deserves some form of respect, but don’t let yourself be taken advantage of in the process.”
“Be Righteous. Live Righteously.”
“Peace, Love, and Happiness.”

~Listen to him hear him speak ~

A note from one of Jon’s good friends.
He calls me ‘ma’ ~